something different

Hey All,

So I'm lying in bed and having trouble sleeping, you've all been there just like any other time. Something is going on and you aren't sure what, why is this seemingly simple task so difficult. I just need to lay my head and fall asleep why must I need to try, why so hard. Why?

this question isn't the only question on my mind. Why am I so screwed up? what is wrong with me? what is going on? why am I here? why do I constantly feel oppressed? why are these wings that my God has given me suddenly seem chained down and like I will never fly. They tell me that they are "in for repair" or "time for an upgrade" but this upgrade seems more like a down-grade. I'm feeling like all of these "improvements" are more like a negative. God built me to be free but I am not, I am far from it and why? what is going on? tell me... give me the answer.

I'm supposed to know the guy with all the answers and I'm supposed to be sharing Him with everyone else but... I don't have the answers myself. I used to, I really did. I thought I had life in order and for a time it was true. true it wasn't perfect and in reality nothing ever is...

why oh reality are you so elusive? why does it feel like I'm a pawn in a game just being watched... every move I make is judged, critiqued and the answers on how to be better, faster, stronger... are just beyond my reach, my grasp, my handle... I try hard to grab them but they are just that one extra inch too far. there is all sorts of apparent issues such as spreading myself too thin, but there seems to be so much more too it.

when I started this blog I didn't know how I would end it, and I simply ask one question... if YOU have answers, I will do anything for them.