Where I'm @

Hey All,

I am not writing this for all of you but I am writing it for myself, you see I need to have a place that I can vent, and though I've got people I can vent to I have to slant it in the way that can communicate my message best for them. But here I can communicate it the way my heart desires to.

I am afraid, most definitely in general. The reason for my fear is that though for all of my life I've been a happy guy I would hit points where I would be sad and upset and not know why. I made a few changes that God needed me to make and I made them confidently and I started to turn my life the way I wanted to see it go. At this point I am starting back into those old Habits and plans and patterns that I don't like. That is the source. I'm currently attending Bethany Bible College and I am forced to be someone that I am not while I am here. I am working on making plans to take one semester off of school. There is honestly a lot of things that I will just "let the chips be as they fall" and see what happens in the spring with the consequences, and there is a large majority of people who agree that it would be a good idea and I've got a lot of support, but there are a few who have valid arguments against it, that being time, and that being that the purpose and reason for taking a semester off can be accomplished while I'm still in school and I need not to take the time off.
Though my primary reason for taking the time off is because I need to get back to the place where I was before I got to this school and I personally started to go back down hill. I don't know how to be both here and be who God wants me to be.
The other reason I want to be at home is to do two things. The first is be a presence in my house, I want to be there for my parents to live with them to clean the house when I can and to just be around. I also want to work to put some money down on student loans so that I will have less money afterward to pay off (though it won't be much it will still be some). The last thing that I wanted to do is probably more important of my goals and that is to start a young-adults group in my town, to help those who are at a stage in their life that no longer feel a part of any of the ministries that the churches in the area offer, for the ministries are targetted at a demographic either older or younger.

that is where I'm at, if you bothered to read to the bottom I'd love for you to hit me up! maybe there's some sweet stuff you can enlighten me with.